Job Loss, Grief, and Professional Identity

There is little to no information about the personal toll job loss takes on employees who are fired or laid off. Companies often serve as social environments where employees form close bonds and friendships, making the workplace feel like a second family. I often write about severance negotiation and skip over this topic, until now. The irony is that as an employment attorney, I deal with client job loss in every case I have. Although I am not a licensed therapist, I do spend an inordinate amount of time counseling clients through the job loss grieving process.

As a society, we treat job loss and the grieving of job loss as a taboo subject. Our identities are often closely tied to our work, and losing a job can disrupt our sense of self. Terminated employees are just expected to get over it and move on to the next new gig. Employment is not just a way to earn money; it also provides deeper psychological and social meaning.

Losing a job can lead to a loss of meaning in life, identity, and social connections. There is a great deal of shame in our LinkedIn workforce, and people are programmed to only reflect strength and positive attitudes.

Introduction to Job Loss

Losing a job is more than just a professional setback; it can shake the very foundation of your life. The impact of job loss often extends far beyond the loss of income, affecting your mental health, sense of identity, and overall well-being. Many people experience a wave of emotions, from anxiety and worry about their financial situation to a deep sense of loss and sadness.

It’s important to remember that losing a job is a significant part of many people’s lives, and you are not alone in facing these challenges. Families, too, can feel the effects, as changes in routine and financial strain ripple through the household. Seeking emotional support from loved ones, friends, or professionals can make a world of difference as you navigate this difficult period.

While it’s normal to feel overwhelmed or even depressed, understanding that this is a common experience can help you take the next steps toward healing and rebuilding your sense of self.

Your Professional Identity

If I met you on the street, you would probably tell me about yourself, starting with what you do for a living. Most people start random conversations this way to break the ice. I would expect you to say you have been in the same career for quite some time, but have changed jobs as the economy ebbed and flowed over the years.

“Employment is a key element in life that goes beyond basic psychological, social, and economic needs… employment not only results in earning an income; it also imposes time structure during the day, implies regularly shared experiences and contacts with people outside the family, links individuals to goals and purposes that transcend their own, defines aspects of personal status and identity, and enforces activity.” (Source).

No one is immune to the negative hit the ego takes when a job loss occurs. Years ago, I was working with a female President of a subsidiary of a well-known publicly traded company. I had negotiated the employment agreement that got her there, and several years later, she came to me because the company had decided they had to move in a different direction, a common explanation given to many of my clients.

I remember the phone call with this executive today; I guess clients leave impressions on me. The call started normally, but I could sense undertones of sadness, a feeling that came in waves during the call and eventually overwhelmed my client. She abruptly burst into tears and commenced five to ten minutes of sobbing on the phone.

She later shared that she felt stunned and completely dazed by the sudden loss, unable to process what had just happened. At first, this was quite awkward because it was unexpected. We had been discussing the noncompete buried in her incentive compensation agreement and what would happen if she went to work for a competitor, that her restricted stock would be forfeited. I paused and commenced listening to this woman sob uncontrollably, but I realized all she wanted was to be listened to.

I guess most people just want to be listened to during this critical period right after they receive the notice of termination. But what struck me about this conversation was the comments the woman made about herself and how this job was her complete identity and that she worked her ass off to get the C-Suite over a long career. She reflected on her former job as not just a position, but as something that shaped her sense of self and defined her purpose.

She was blown away to see it all ripped away from her in an instant, and she remarked she did not know what she was going to do as she believed her career was over, more specifically, her identity as a high-powered executive was over!

Job Loss and Grief

Did you feel any pain when you lost a job? Did you get angry about losing the coveted position you worked so hard for? Did you blame anyone, or did you accept personal responsibility for being terminated? Maybe the termination was out of your control altogether?

It is normal to grieve after losing a job, and allowing yourself to grieve is an important part of the healing process. During this time, it is also common to feel sad, and expressing this sadness is a healthy and natural response.

“The grief process encompasses a wide array of emotions, cognitions, and behaviors. Part of a healthy grief trajectory is high levels of emotional distress and intense reactions of grief which persist for only a brief period after the job loss, while a person remains capable of functioning in all aspects of one’s daily life.” (Source).

The Stages of the Job Loss Grieving Process

Here are the stages of the job loss grieving process:

Initial Shock: In some cases, terminations come out of the blue. In other situations, there may have been some warning. In either case, there can be shock when the message is received that you no longer have a job. It may take some time to absorb the reality of the news.
Anger: You may feel anger toward your employer, toward yourself, and even toward your family. Such thoughts and feelings are a normal part of the grieving process, but it is important not to get stuck in this stage to move forward.
Resistance: Sometimes you may find yourself having difficulty fully accepting the reality of the situation.
Sadness: It is normal to experience feelings of sadness and to want to withdraw emotionally after a job loss. Grief can also manifest as physical symptoms such as headaches, upset stomach, or fatigue. However, if your job search [sic] goes on for a long time or you have predisposing factors, you may become vulnerable to clinical depression. Getting professional support is critical, as depression can interfere with your energy and effectiveness in finding a job.

For some individuals, the grief process can become complicated grief, characterized by persistent yearning, difficulty accepting the loss, and an inability to move forward. Complicated grief may require professional intervention, even though it is not officially classified as a mental health disorder in DSM-5 or ICD-11.

Acceptance: Finally, you will come to accept what has happened (you don’t have to like it) and move on. Reaching acceptance can help you transition to the next phase of your personal and professional life.

(Source).

The Personal Impact of Job Loss

“[D]ismissal from work belongs to the top-5 most stressful life events. Dealing with involuntary job loss mostly involves a confrontation with secondary losses, like financial security, status, social contacts, structure, identity, and sense of self. Certain age groups, such as individuals over 60 or under 30, may be particularly vulnerable to job loss and its effects.

Although one might argue that involuntary job loss is a psychological trauma that causes posttraumatic stress-like symptoms (e.g. anxiety, irritability, hypervigilance) or depression-like symptoms (e.g. dysphoria, worthlessness, blaming oneself), we conceptualize job loss that may yield typical symptoms of grief, including separation distress, yearning for what is lost, a sense of bitterness and/or numbness, and difficulties to accept the loss and its implications.” (Source).

The bottom line in any job loss is the sudden loss of professional and personal identity. As an employment attorney, I counsel job loss every day among my clients and accept it as a normal part of my professional life. I am the person you talk to explain why you were fired, whether you had anything to do with it, your shame, your guilt, your victimization from discrimination, and a host of complicated personal questions that just run deep for many people.

Grieving the loss of a job for some employees can be very difficult and is often compared to grieving the loss of a loved one. Many people feel stressed as they try to cope with the uncertainty and changes brought by job loss. In addition to the loss of identity and financial security, job loss can also have a profound impact on other aspects, such as loss of social status or daily structure.

Job Loss Can Lead to Long-Term Mental Crisis

Grief from losing a job can turn into a long-term mental health crisis. I remember working with a client many years ago who had a long career in sales in the computer industry. He was in his mid-forties, divorced, and had a young son he adored and looked forward to spending time with during his parenting turns with his ex-wife.

The guy was quite personable, and sales seemed like a natural fit for him. He also liked to take diving excursions with sharks in cages all around the world. However, after his employment termination, he felt extremely worried about his future and the well-being of his family. During such difficult times, it can be helpful to seek emotional support or professional help to manage the mental health impact of job loss.

Trying to maintain routines or connections with others is also important for preserving balance and mental well-being. Life somehow just did not seem fair to this fellow, and several years later, I came across his name in an article in a national newspaper where he had ingested some form of liquid obtained from the dark web, essentially committing suicide in a mirrored car in the heat of the summer.

No one found him for some time until the smell became unbearable. He was wearing a business suit when the emergency personnel opened the door.

Managing The Stress of Job Loss

Give yourself time to adjust. Grief is a process.
Keep open communications with others significant in your life. Accept support from those who care about you. They may also be a source of job information.
Spouses, partners, and children are also affected by your job loss. Explain the economic forces that led to the job loss. Reassure children that the family will work together to get through this time.
Make a Job-Seeking Plan. Create a strategy and consider the search as your current job. It requires planning, energy, and daily attention. Take time to decide on your preferred career direction or job search strategy before moving forward.
Update your resume.
Use every community and networking resource available.
Practice how you will interview and answer questions about the reason for changing jobs.
Practice good self-care. Sleep, exercise, relaxation, and good nutrition are more important than ever during the stress of unemployment. Use the extra time to set up that exercise program you never had time for when you were working so hard. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol to deal with stress. Take scheduled breaks from your job search and allow time for fun. You need to be in good emotional shape to do your best in job interviews. Focus on the present and take things one day at a time to help manage stress.
Get professional help when needed. If you find yourself being tearful, anxious, sad, irritable, having trouble with sleep (too much or unable to sleep), or unable to motivate yourself, you may consider getting help for depression from a mental health professional.

(Source).

Managing Daily Routine

When dealing with job loss, maintaining a daily routine can be a powerful tool for coping with stress and uncertainty. Establishing a structured schedule helps create a sense of control and normalcy, even when so much feels out of your hands. For example, starting your day at the same time, dedicating specific hours to your job search, and making time for self-care activities can help you stay focused and motivated.

Don’t forget to spend time with loved ones, as their support can be invaluable during this period. Incorporating enjoyable activities—like reading, going for a walk, or pursuing a hobby—can also help reduce anxiety and lift your spirits. By maintaining a daily routine, you give yourself manageable steps to follow, making the process of dealing with job loss more structured and less overwhelming. This approach not only helps you cope with stress but also keeps you moving forward in your job search and personal growth.

Financial Considerations

Financial strain is often one of the most immediate concerns after losing a job. While unemployment benefits can provide some relief, it’s important to take a proactive approach to managing your finances. Start by reviewing your expenses and creating a realistic budget that reflects your current situation.

The federal government offers a range of resources for unemployed people, including job training programs and career counseling, which can help you prepare for your next job. Exploring part-time or freelance work can also help supplement your income while you search for a new job. Taking steps to learn new skills or enroll in online courses can improve your job prospects and potentially increase your future earning potential.

By staying informed about available support and making thoughtful financial decisions, you can reduce stress and anxiety, allowing you to focus on your job search and long-term goals.

Supporting Loved Ones

Job loss doesn’t just affect the individual; it can have a profound impact on family members and loved ones as well. Open and honest communication is key during this time. Sharing your feelings and concerns with your family can help everyone process the changes together and provide much-needed emotional support. Involving loved ones in your job search, whether by seeking their advice or simply talking through your plans, can foster a renewed sense of connection and purpose.

Sometimes, just having a conversation with a close friend or family member can help you cope with the stress and anxiety of losing a job. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone; leaning on your support network can make the process more manageable and help you move forward with confidence.

Job Search Strategies

Embarking on a job search after losing a job can feel daunting, but having a clear strategy can make all the difference. Start by updating your resume and highlighting any new skills or experiences you’ve gained. Networking is a powerful tool; reach out to former colleagues, attend industry events, or join a book club or professional organization to expand your connections. Practicing your interview skills and preparing to discuss your job loss in a positive light can boost your self-confidence and help you make a strong impression.

Take advantage of online resources, such as job boards and career websites, to stay informed about new opportunities. Remember, the job search process can take time, but staying proactive and persistent will increase your chances of finding a new job that aligns with your skills and values. By seeking support and remaining open to new possibilities, you can turn this challenging period into a stepping stone toward a brighter future.

You Are Not Your Job

So many people get sucked into the false belief that their jobs are who they are as a person and then get completely derailed when they lose their employment. In another example, I remember recently working with a male executive who suffered from throat cancer and eventually lost his voice box. He had a synthetic device inserted in his windpipe to help facilitate his communication, but his original voice was lost forever.

The client was a salt-of-the-earth kind of guy and extremely well-liked. He had been a manager and later an executive in the same industry for the better part of his career. He came to me when the employer began interfering with his position and moved him around the company, and eventually demoted him back to the same city where he started with the company some twenty years ago.

I handled the matter, put the client on disability benefits, and obtained a very sizable severance package from his employer. I call this the hat trick in employment law. The employer did not like the fact that their once-star executive could no longer speak in his original voice and had to use a mechanical voice device when speaking with company clients. If you were in the executive’s shoes, you may have thought the world was ending for his career, and his identity was over.

After losing his voice box to cancer, after losing his finances from being fired, and after losing the management position he held, you would have thought the client would crumble and implode into depression and lose the will to live. For many, losing a job brings immediate concerns about money and financial stability, making it difficult to make ends meet and cover basic needs. But this client was different, and his resilience to form a new life left a profound impression on me that your job is not who you are.

Your identity is not derived from what you do for work; your identity is entirely different and separate. Many clients I have dealt with just cannot separate their work identity and their sense of self. No one talks about this issue because people fear it as a sign of weakness to even discuss it. Job loss and the loss of personal self an enormous issues for many people, but it does not have to be.

Unforeseen Positive Results from Losing a Job

Losing a job can also become an unforeseen positive transformation, and I have seen clients over the years pivot successfully without losing a sense of self-identity. Many clients do not buy into the idea that their job is who they are. These clients transition between jobs without falling apart and making huge leaps forward in a way thought impossible before the termination.

One door closes and another opens. I have to say that most clients I have worked with actually find better-paying and more personally satisfying jobs after being terminated or laid off. Given the fluctuations in unemployment rates in recent years, job loss is a common experience in today’s labor market. During periods of unemployment, many individuals find it rewarding to develop new skills, such as learning a foreign language, which can be both personally fulfilling and beneficial for future opportunities.

For more information about job loss, please contact our employment attorneys at Carey & Associates PC at 203-255-4150.

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